Wordless

Today was my first day alive. Okay, that was an exaggeration.
It was just my first day back in Kenya after three years' absence. Too long. Maybe. We'll see what I think when August 20th come rollin' around!

As I drove through Nairobi and back to Kijabe I tried to think up words to describe how I felt more accurately than, "It's awesome!" It wasn't much good; my mind didn't do much to assist the rest of my senses and 'metaphysical' evidences that were juicing me full of emotions; I just couldn't eek any words out of it.

The first thing I thought of was, "This is perfect. I remember again what it is to be alive." Along this line of thinking, I tried to developed analogies that could better grasp it:
"Its like driving a car from the forties that hasn't been taken care of, then driving a luxury sedan. And you say, 'Yes, this is what it is to drive.'"
"Its like hiking with shoes that give you just the slightest blisters; just that minute annoyance so you come to not notice. But then you wear shoes that feel like they were made for nothing other than your feet, and you think, 'Yes, this is what it is like to hike!'"
But I realized that with these, if the later case is a grander form of perfection, it is only due to the imperfection of the former. And I don't think California is any less perfect than Kenya. (Don't faint) See, in my mind to compliment on alternative does not diminish another option at all. But I have recently discovered that for many people, this is the case. So for this analogy to work, it must be understood that when I say that Kenya is like that perfect pair of shoes I am not saying California is an annoying flop; just that Kenya is a breath of fresh air (but a 'fresh air' compared to what? you may ask). So while this line of thinking is completely accurate, it is also completely inadequate.

Next, as I saw the slopes of Longonot for the first time as I sat on Upper Field --it was extremely foggy on the drive in-- my first thought was, Now these lines are natural to my eyes. Like green and grass, they just go together. It was as if my eyes had to focus just a little harder and work a little longer to get the 'right' images elsewhere, but when my eyes beheld Longonot it took no effort, it was seamless, like another part of myself. Like I wasn't even absorbing an image from the outside, but rather than an image from the inside was projected into the physical world. That this whole being here, this whole talking to people, seeing people, smelling people --this whole trip is not a dive into some new and foreign environment, but rather that some deeper part of myself was manifesting itself through every sight, sound, and smell around me so that there was no absorption, but instead agreement with what already existed in the deepest parts of me. This seems to be much more adequate, but incredibly less accurate: The whole existence and interaction with Kenya is a mere projection of some deep life stored up inside of me? Yeah right. I don't even think a New Agist would agree with that one! No, of course the hard reality of Kenya that exists outside myself is still wholly intact, and it was that reality I encountered, but I think I discovered that I had kept the heart of Kenya so alive that even though everything looks different and all the people are certainly foreign, there heart's beat to the same pulse, so it felt like it was a manifestation of who I am inside --or at least a part of who I am.

Does that mean I love California or the people of California any less? Let it never be! I am not discrediting California, simply exulting Kenya. Just because there is an abiding love for Kenya does not mean there is any lack of love for California. They are merely not compared.

California has many things I love (not the least of which are the Sierras!) and even more people I love (yes, you know who you are! ...I hope!). But I am not in California, and have not been gone from California for any great amount of time, so I am not writing about it. I just want it to be clear to anyone who reads this that my encounter with Kenya in 2007 is vastly different in taste and texture than it was in 2004 --and not just on the surface. The surface of any place or people changes on a daily basis, but I am speaking to the taste and texture of my deeper connection with the deeper parts of the beating heart of Kenya, and more specifically, RVA. Maryline E'ngle would call it my Kything sense; Orson Scott Card would call it my aiua, or my connection with the greensong. I say that only so those who have read those books can understand better; not because I actually believe any of those fictional things bear onto any reality, but I certainly believe the experience behind the thing is most definitely real. And I am experiencing it now. And it is beautiful, leaving me wordless.

...Almost. :)