Citizenry

So last night was Large Group, and we've been going through the book of Philippians this whole semester. Last night's talk was on the second half of chapter 3, and there was some really cool things to think about from it:

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained.

Join with others in following my example, brothers, and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you. For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.

Therefore, my brothers, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, that is how you should stand firm in the Lord, dear friends!"

We spent some time talking about what the "this" and "that" are which are mentioned in the first paragraph, seeing how Paul was called by Christ and for what purpose.

The first really interesting point I heard was from the second paragraph, the idea that Christians should "take such a view of things." Well, what things? The answer of course is the attitude of "foregetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead...[to] press on toward the goal" then later he says, "Join with others in following my example" and also, "Many live as enemies of the cross of Christ."

The speaker talked about how as Christians we aren't really being Christ-like unless we have a like mindset of forgetting the earthly things and press on to fulfill what it is Christ has called us to. When looking in Acts as to what Christ called Paul to it was to preach to the Gentiles, understand Christ, and partake in His suffering. So the first question I've been thinking a lot about is, "For what has Christ called me?"

In general I think its safe to say Christ calls all of us to partake in the coming of His Kingdom by being witnesses to His glory in the sacrifice of our lives to His will and the proclamation of His good news. But personally, how has Christ called me to fulfill that?

Also talking about the enemies of Christ, the speaker made an interesting point that Paul starts that section by saying, "Join...my example." So he isn't necessarily talking about the act of becoming a Christian to not be an enemy, but rather the example of living forward for God's kingdom even in the face of everything we find repelling. The speaker very explicitly said that those who are then enemy of Christ are those who believe that they already know all they need to about Christ and therefore deny His call on their lives to be His witnesses and take risks in His Name and in His time. That was really challenging to think about; the idea that if you are not living in such a way as to dive deeper with Christ and believe larger in Christ and tell truer who Christ is then we are acting as enemies of Christ (since we are, after all, His ambassadors).

Lastly this passage talks about citizenry. The question asked and that has been running through my head ever since is, "How does it affect your life to be a citizen of heaven?" I honestly believe this will transform the way I live as I seek a deep and life long truth in the answer to this question.

So how about you?
For what has Christ called you?
And how does it affect your life to be a citizen of heaven?

Grace and peace.

Bathsheba

Just a quick thought (even though I know its been forever since I've posted anything --a testament to how busy life can be. Why? That's the million dollar question.):

I was reading in 1 Kings earlier this week and was a little off balance reading how Bathsheba interacted with people in that transitional time between David and Solomon being king. Whenever I hear the name Bathsheba I always think of adjectives like, "sin" "adultery" "fallen man" "even good men can fall if they don't rely on God", etc. But in 1 Kings 1-2, Bathsheba defies all those stereotypes. In fact, she holds David to God's promise of Solomon taking the throne even when Adonijah tries to declare himself king. "She said to him, 'My lord, you swore to your maidservant by the LORD your God saying, "Surely your son Solomon shall be king after me and shall sit on my throne."'" (1 Kings 1:17)
What stuck me was this: Bathsheba was a woman who had been taken possibly against her will, had her husband killed, and lost her baby. Her life, whatever it was, was completely removed and irrecoverable because of David's sin. Every perception she may have had of the future --with her true husband-- were stolen by a king's lust. And yet --somehow-- she can still stand before one of authority and call them out on staying true to God. God didn't want her to avoid David after all he'd done against her; they persevered through it.
Avoiding the sin doesn't absolve it; containing sin doesn't conquer it.
It is a powerful and potent lesson for me to learn right now as I continue to work through issues in my life, seeking to be more Christ-minded. God doesn't want me to simply stop sinning, he wants me to conquer the sin in the power of His Name. Its helpful.

A Few Words on Kenya from an American Passport

It is hard to tell of my relationship with Kenya without talking of its culture. It is difficult to relate to its joys without inherently giving warning. It is messy, it is intertwined, it is unclear and jumbled together; it is a day of my life, and it is real life. It is cross-cultural, it is simultaneously simple and mysterious, safe and dangerous, comfortable and familiar. It is home.

How am I supposed to go about explaining the nuances that stand out like red on green, the small things that seem to fit so perfectly, but give need to adjust your position? The stone houses with tiled roofs, barred windows, banana trees, and water tanks all fit; they make sense in a more clear way than row after row of wood and stucco houses, with high ceilings and hidden piping, heating, and water. In Kenya the systems are as simple as looking: You can see where the water heater is mounted on top of the house, you can see where the pipes run down the side and enter to the kitchen, you can see where the sewage runs out and into the city system; you can see. But the endless rows of plaster homes that take a month to build, you can’t. There is no way to see how the water gets hot, nothing telling the common observer what happens when you flush the toilet.

I think this may be what I have learned the most, and also the greatest difference between the two cultures. In Kenya and most of East Africa, the culture is very open. There isn’t fear of observing someone else’s life, and everyone lives with their lives observed. But it isn’t intrusive, people don’t look to be malicious, they just look because it’s open. You don’t need roadsigns pointing the way because the way is clear. You don’t need a thick web of telecommunications because it’s easy to find one another. Instructions to turn left at the big tree make sense, because there are only a few places to turn left and only one big tree. It’s easy to see, your vision is as large as the horizon.

The roads match the lifestyle. It’s bumpy and it’s slow. It isn’t boring by any dimension of the word; there is always something that demands or intrigues your focus: The herd of cows blocking the road or the distant herd of Grant’s Gazelle leaping through the savanna grasses. The bumps and ruts and general lack of “road” slows you down and makes the journey thrice as long as it may seem to need, but it isn’t a bad slow. Transportation is an integrated joy and part of the culture, and so much of who the people are is reflected through it. There isn’t the annoyance found on American roads, because getting from point A to point B isn’t viewed as an annoyance as it seems to be here. Its part of the visit, its part of the being that makes life the exciting and slow pace it is. It makes life open. You wave to the shosho sitting by her hut, you observe to feed store’s most recent sale as they load it onto a lorrey, you watch the kids kick around a tightly wrapped jumble of plastic bags as though it were a soccerball. But as you wave to the old woman you dodge a pothole that would swallow a horse; and as you watch the workers load a big truck you weave through three others, one which is tipped over on its side in the roadway; and as you watch the children play in the grass beside to road you avoid two donkey carts overloaded the produce and get passed by three matatus. It’s all a part of your visit to the supermarket, or of your trip to the game park.

And it is so relational. Every fiber of the social, economic, and environmental cloth is woven with thick threads of relational importance. The weakness this creates is catastrophic in the mind of a Westerner as it almost virtually annihilates “equal opportunity” employment, and it cripples financial transparency due to the responsibility to your family and tribe. Its all about who you know, but it doesn’t even stop there: its all about who you greet on the street, or who you have over for chai, or how long you stop and visit. Simply knowing isn’t enough, you must be their friend. But it isn’t difficult to be friendly, everyone is and everyone expects you to be their friend.

There are very few cultural formalities, but the ones that exist are based on how to relate to people. The way you greet someone is most important, but it isn’t even what you say that makes it important. It’s the attitude. If you are hasty or uninterested in their lives, the conversation will go poorly because you’ve already offended them. Everything that happens does so because the most important cog to turn the wheel of Kenyan culture is the interest given to the people you are relating to. Work always comes second to relationship. It’s not about units produced as it is so much about relationships built and maintained. It is a slightly off-kilter idea to an American, and has historically caused a lot of damage between the two cultures although the Westerners are always invited back, simply because our pockets are so full of money. But there have also been excellent relationships built; the Americans learn the importance of relationships and the Kenyans learn the importance of scheduling and financial responsibility. It can be a great relationship between the cultures if each is willing to learn from the other. And I think it’s easier for Kenyans because they are so familiar with Westerners now. Its been over a hundred years since their country was colonized, but there are so many Westerners who have never taken the time to visit their culture whether for lack of interest or money, I don’t know.

The final thing I would perhaps give warning of is the food, and the culture around food. To be honest, there is very little culture tied to food. Some tribes must feed you if you come to visit, some are very hesitant to be hospitable in that manner. But what is most important is just being with the people, eating or not. If food is on the way, most Kenyan food can be –and historically has been—eaten with fingers as opposed to utensils. And it is very starchy! Lots of potatoes and cabbage and sukumo wiki and maize meal. It is good in its own bland way. It is certainly filling! And since everything is so open, it is fun sometimes just to sit there and watch as they stir a large pot of stew over a little fire that we would consider just embers and ashes. There is no pretense of something that isn’t there, if they are accustomed to fixing food in a certain way they will continue to do so regardless of who is present. But it is so interesting to be able to see that even though Kenya is one nation, it is made up of 38 tribes. And it is so fascinating to see the different mannerisms the tribes have towards food, even though they all seem to eat very much the same food.

And the same is true for how the approach all parts of life. Looking in from the outside it may seem that every Kenya regardless of tribe or social level or place of living will act and respond the same way to another individual, but as you get into Life you begin to see more and more mannerism that are so specific to a place or a people that it always leaves just that much of life spicy and unknown.

An Hour Past Noon

>>This post, and the post titled "A Few Words on Kenya from an American Passport" were written to my engineering professor as he asked for my reflections on Kenya and some advice to give if another student were to follow me. Just thought I'd share it with you all.<<

What have I learned since being in Kenya? Has it grown me? As I look at the broad but brief span of my life, how has this trip to Kenya made an impact? Has it damaged my vital systems? Has it informed me of some unseen danger or perhaps of some greater treasure to pursue? Has it merely been an near-miss, leaving me and my crew shaken, but otherwise unchanged?

As I sit here and think of what to write relating how I’ve grown and changed since being in Kenya the most pressing questions seem to be: How has Kenya not changed me? and How do I untangle myself to be able to point to one distinct part and say, “This is from Kenya,” and to another and say, “This is not.”?

I could say I learned to be relational from Kenya, but America isn’t devoid of relationships, they just do it differently. In America it is sometimes seen as a form of weakness to take gifts of hospitality or guidance from people considered strangers, but in Kenya it is seen as the beginning of a wonderful social advancement. In Kenya if you simply worked all day you don’t always go home and proclaim that you’ve had a productive day, but if you make a few new friends you make sure your wife hears all about it. In Kenya missing a business meeting to help a friend push his car to the petrol station isn’t an indicator of unreliability, but rather a sign of good priorities. You may have missed important information, even a promotion, but the attitude won’t be criticizing, it will be reflective of saying, “Well, it’s just the way it worked out. There will be more work to be done later so don’t worry. Did your friend get his gas alright?” There is much more interest given to the relationship than to the work.

I could say I learned a laidback lifestyle from Kenya, but America isn’t a workaholic, they just prioritize differently. In Kenya a full day is having two things planned and getting one of them done. That isn’t at all to say that Kenyans are lazy. On the contrary, I have never met more resilient workers in my whole life. Each has his own skill, but the skill they have they work well in. They just don’t plan their day around their work, they simply work and as other things come up they adjust. They don’t ignore or avoid for the sake of finishing a row of maize or sewing a shirt. They stop and watch or engage in the distraction, whether it be a guest or a lorrey accident, they allow the flow of life around them to sweep them up and change their direction. In America the mindset is different. Not worse, just different. When an activity is scheduled, it takes priority. The craziness of life takes a back seat, and you get your assignment done. Whether it is going to the store or writing a paper or building a bridge, what you have been assigned to complete you do so without compromise. It creates a very efficient society, and one in which the majority of the world would like to live, but it denies life its joy if spontaneity. Everything must have a place and a program in America, whereas in Kenya nothing has a place or a program. It’s just different.

I could say that I fell in love with the outdoors because of Kenya, but that would smack the face of my childhood, being raised on a farm. Ironically, Kenya has a comparable size and population to California. There are plenty of urban centers in Kenya and there are vast stretches of California without a soul insight. The difference, then, lies in how the urban and rural areas are constructed. There is no such thing as zoning in Kenya. It can cause confusion and make it much less predictable to find certain buildings in certain places, but it allows a much more organic, albeit chaotic, transition between rural and urban. You never really get away from people in Kenya, there are very few places where there isn’t a village is reasonable access. But you almost always feel like no one is around. This, I think, is because of the virtual lack of a societal safety-net. There may be people, but that doesn’t mean there is help. Oh, the people will help all they can, but that doesn’t mean it will actually be helpful. You never can be sure where the next gas is, or the next market, or the next place to sleep. You know they are there somewhere, but the finding could prove difficult. And so you always feel just a little more outdoors and isolated in Kenya than you do in America, even in a place like Yosemite.

I could say America taught me financial responsibility, but in Kenya I owned and ran my business. And it ran well; I had established contacts to receive new products from, and I had a trustworthy bank to keep my earnings. It worked well, and all parties were responsible with their money. I learned a lot about accounting and finances from some Kenyan friends, so they are not at all money-dumb. They just find that “protecting their own” is extremely important, and it comes back to no safety-nets. They would say that they are responsible with their money because they make sure that their parents and children are taken care of, and that’s responsible. To an American, transparency and investment show responsibility, but that is because the children have free education and the elderly have (or had) Social Security and good healthcare. Kenyan financial responsibility doesn’t benefit the country as much as American financial responsibility, but it does honor the family.

I supposed what I can say, then, is that I have needed both. I’d be less if I lacked one or the other. I cannot say that America has left me unlearned any more than I can say Kenya has left me un-experienced. I didn’t know Kenya was so relational except that I could see how America was so financially responsible. I couldn’t see that America was domineering until I saw that Kenya was so familial. So I haven’t so much as learned or grown from Kenya so much as I’ve watched the relationship between myself and the two countries grow and change, and me with it.

Aude sapere

It was while lying beneath the infinite audience of the stars that I thought to myself a few days back, "I love these times: times when I can snuggle up to the earth and be held in the loose embrace of the grass. My eyes turned to the sky allows my vision to sink beneath the surface of myself into the pasture --or cage?-- of my soul. It is a breath of fresh air; having spent the extent of my measure beneath the waters of human interaction and social bustle, to break the surface by diving into the silence of nature and myself is revitalizing."

The first half of this week found me in Nakuru working at a boys home. Our task was simple for the two days we were there: dig a trench, to begin laying the foundation for a cow shed which will also provide bio-gas to the home, relieving the pressure of deforestation and high propane costs from the orphanage. Looking at the field where the shed is to be I was surprised at how little work they had assigned us, and even enquired if there was more work to be done after we finished digging.
The next morning as we began work proved my skepticism ill founded. Never before had I known digging to be so strenuous. Exhausted I looked at my watch only to find a mere half hour had gone by. Seeing our soft muscles and weak backs, some of the Kenyan men who lived at the home came to join us. They did much more than join! By the end of the day it became one Kenyan doing all the hoeing (which was most difficult) and four of us behind him just struggling to keep up with the shoveling!
It was what stands out to me as the second great humbling from a single event since starting college. The first was when I tore the ligaments in my ankle and was forced to use a wheelchair in the St. Louis Zoo, but even that I got out of in less than an hour, my pride to deeply bruised but the lesson learned none-the-less. This time, however, there was no escape. Hour after hour I watched as my body failed my, weakened by years of strengthening my mind. For hours I watched people whom the majority of the world doesn't give a chance work four times harder and faster. And it wasn't because they were brutish and only good at it. No. One was a high school teacher, one a pastor, and the third a farmer. I weighed at least fifty pounds more than the heaviest of them. And yet their skill, their relentless advance through the unrelenting soil taught me much.
First, it reminded me that for one in my blessed place in life, living becomes a series of trade-offs. It is extremely difficult to have a strong education, back, and social net. Very often strength in one means weakness in another. Two of the three are within grasp, but all three are too much.
Also it made me consider and reconsider my priorities. Realizing that for every one thing I choose to do there are ten things I choose not to do, I had to revisit that which I called important. I had been thinking on what ministry I ought to be involved in heading back to Pacific, I have thought much about relationships, and also of my future.
Last year I believe I attempted to do too much in the way of ministry, so that there were periods months long where my ministry was an obligation put on me by myself and other humans and not at all what God had in mind for me. There were also rapids I floundered down, being caught up in the roll and tumble of American Productionism, which effectively turned my ministry away from the glory of Christ and into the mirey alleys of Unit Output and Time Input, running parallel to one another and weaving and tangling so efficiently that once I got enough head about me to stop and look around, I couldn't tell which way was air and which way was earth. I was also reminded during these few days how little knowledge of the Word I seek outside of the Word itself. I mean this in regard to listening to the words of wiser Christians through discipleship and/or reading books. To top this off were two other thoughts, semi-related: I've been thinking quite a bit about how the Alpine House ought to be used this upcoming school year as well as how we five Alpine House Men can continue to grow in Christ as a house, as well as individuals. Between these many different criteria, I've come to settle on the idea that I ought to step back from diliberate, corporate ministry. Many ideas are still floating around in my head, but I am looking at my spiritually weak muscles and have decided that sharpening my skills in public ministry is not worth what it has been costing me in the tone of my spiritual physique.
I have been reading through Isaiah and have again and again found myself challenged by the words of the prophet. In regard to the supremacy of Christ, the message in clear. In chastisement for straying from the Mighty King, the command is stern. In reminding of our incompetency with righteousness on our own, the words are a paintbrush which slap me in the face as they paint broad stroke pictures of my need to establish a deep fellowship with my King through individual meditation and community pursuit.
Hopefully as the details of my new desires and different direction take on physical form through disciplines or scheduling, I will have the blessed opportunity of witnessing as the Spirit grows myself and my community in widsom as we are led into a deeper worship with our Adonai.

To Carroll

Many of you have asked about how I myself am doing, and I probably brought it upon myself to be asked such, since I perpetually ask people that, seeking a deeper answer than merely the physical actions that compose existence.
So here is a letter that I would love to write to any one of my Kenyan friends, a letter that perhaps is an expression of the underlying current of thought and emotion as I interact with nationals. They are such a beautiful people enrobed in a culture woven with ornate details of tribal traditions dangling and bumping against technological jumping that jangles as it collides with corruption. All this is held together by a rugged but spectacular cloth that has managed to pull together dozen of languages and customs to be birthed out of a prenatal colonial release and thrust upon the political, environmental, and economic wishes of the wider world. It is a people looking out at a horizon that fifty years ago stretched to the border of their mother tongue and now stretches the world around. And this is what I would say to those like me, but born of Kenya:

To Carroll:

How are you? How is your family doing? It has been good for me to be back with my parents again here in Kijabe. I am glad we were able to meet and become friends, and hopefully sometime I'll make it to Lake Magadi! Thank you for talking with me as we peeled carrots, it was good to get to know you a little bit. Are you planning on attending school again soon?
On that note, there is something I would like to say. It will be a speech from the spirit of American indomitability, and with it comes a disclaimer.
While it is true as I have heard some other Kenyans say, "You Americans, you always want more. It is never enough, you always strive for something better," it is also the American downfall. On the one hand, it is this spirit that has led the nation to become the world's overall leader in technology, economy, environment, and industry. But on the other hand, it has ripped families apart, as relationships are treated like commodities which can be improved and upgrades by trading out the "older models" for newer ones. It has also destroyed the ideological "sacredness" inherent in cultures, as the youth of America embrace their indomitability and strive for the next "cutting edge". The old, for the most part, are forgotten, and with them, their widsom. Interactions based on relationships are displaced by transactions based on financial responsibility. This spirit has removed the moral framework, labeling it "Constrictive" and "Archaic", replacing it with a social construct grounded in economic logic.
But it is also these very things: economic logic and financial responsibility that causes many Kenyan friends of mine to wish they could live there. It is the pull of indomitability that has swayed the world towards capitalism, and the image of endless wealth that has filled the hearts of the innocent with greed.
And I say this not as a criticism to America, but a warning to Kenya: for where America has economic logic, Kenya has respect for its elders and traditions; and where America has financial responsibility, Kenya has a legacy of familial and relational importance on which the social, moral, and economic handiwork hangs.
But to you, one who has partially finished a college education, I say this from the spirit of indomitability: fight for your right to be educated, to be of value, to be an asset to your family and your country. You said that like a name you cannot change the place you are from, that you cannot escape Dagaredi, but I say fight. If you want for yourself the ability to raise children who can all become professionals, be a professional. You are studying Computer Engineering; do not abandon that cause. It is a good thing you do for yourself, your family, your tribe, and your country to serve them in that way. It doesn't matter if you cannot finish school; become a secretary in an engineering firm. It won't matter to your children's children if you were forty and just finishing your college degree, what will matter is that by the time your grandchildren enter college they will be a part of a lineage that has persevered, that has not taken no for an answer, and that believes they are capable of making their own future and not subject to peel potatoes their whole lives, if it be their choice not to.
The young children of Tumaini spend hours a day telling stories and singing songs, and their hope is strengthened and reflected through their developing curiosity, but to the older children it is all books and chores. And I see the light of endless opportunities slowly fade from their eyes; the hope they held on to is assaulted by the harsh realities of the repetitive life. Do not quench your curiosity, dream of more than the next harvest; break free from the monotony of peeling potatoes. Do not forget, do not forsake, and do not condescend upon those who can do nothing more than what antiquity has handed them, but do not believe that you are also caught in the same endless cycle.
To you, Carroll, I say fight for your right to find your own place in this world: a place that upholds and honors your relationships and your family, a place that is shrewd in financial responsibility, a place that embraces economic logic, and a place that has a firm foundation in the moral framework given to us by our Lord Jesus. Carroll, it is a place from which you will give your children the chance to shake off the dredge of the repetitive lifestyle, and place where your family will be honored and yet changed, and a place where your country will be changed; it is a place where you will change the world. So Carroll, endure; struggle through so that your children will not have to grow up in a world where they must always keep their "dagger ready."

Your friend,
Kaben

Closer Distance

I think one of the things that makes Kenya beautiful to me is the way everything feels close enough to touch, too far to reach.
The din of humanity; the hustling, the busyness --too far to penetrate at times like this:
At times when the moon casts shadows, when the clouds seem to swirl around your fingers, when a mountain 26km away is visible by moonlight.
In these times the rolling hills of acacia scattered savanna seems to hold every depth of vision despite the distance. Its the magical feeling of Aladin soaring on his magic carpet; of Simba chasing his father's image in the clouds. But here it isn't animated; its more alive than I've ever been; its nature.
Its beautiful.

It's not a beauty that can contend with the proud Sierras: their towering spires of bared granite, the sheer might of the earth exposed in the thinned atmosphere of heightened reaches. It can't content with the umoving miles of tall and majestic pines, of noble furs with a stubborn jaw.
No, it is not the breathtaking beauty of California, not the meandering contrast of beauty after beauty as granite turns to oak turns to grape vines turns to sand turns to sea. No, it cannot dare compete with such royalty, but it need not. It is seperate, not ranked. It is the majestic beauty of thousand acre after thousand acre of the unending raw nature.
It has somehow overcome the precepts of man; it has taken us into it. The acacia a day's walk away seems as ready to be felt as the dirt track beneath my feet; the sedated clouds as near as the grass under me. And yet each as far. It is a soft beauty, but fierce. Unmerciful, but kind.
And to my eyes; to the senses that compose me, it is beautiful.

Kenya Comments, Vol I

1) A comment Mr. Arensen made: "You know, a few years back I was praying a lot for Kenya and the one word that stuck out to me was this: greed." At first it struck me as completely obvious, but the significance is also very true: there is so much political corruption and violence, but it can all be traced back to greed. Twice now I've heard people make comments about how this is also shown in how Kenyans drive: they are crazy! But what it all comes back down to is, "Its my fare, my customers, my money that's most important. You and everything else comes second."
A prime example of this is when the lorreys had a minor collision. What had actually happened was that at a narrow place in the road neither had slowed down or moved over for the other, so they scraped sides and ended up interlocked, blocking both lanes of traffic. And this was on the main road connecting the Mombasa sea port and the Ugandan border. When they finally did become unconnected, there was several kilometers of vehicles piled up behind. But instead of orderly waiting their turn in line, a bus cut to the front and tried to squeeze through behind the lorrey going its direction even before the bus going our direction could get through. So traffic stopped again, and for no better reason than that the busdriver found his personal journey and money more important than the operation of one of Kenya's most used roads.

2) A comment Mr. Wagner made: "It's all about 'me' when driving in this country."
To which I said: "Its no different in the States, its just that there are enough rules that people obey to make it not seem as bad."
To which Mr. Bouchard said: "I think the 'me' desire is universal; its just that America is a culture governed by rules, and Kenya is a culture governed by survival."

3) A snipet of conversation:
"When I look at Kenya, I see such great potential that goes untapped!"
"You know, pretty soon --once some of these younger men and women come into power-- we'll see a lot more of that potential tapped, because they are all so sick of seeing this country suffocate from corruption."
"What Kibaki has done since he's been in power has been good: he's realized that Kenya has more problems than he can fix, so he's just focused on a few and made progress so the people can see results."
"Well, not everything Kibaki has done has been good..."
But Kenya has been improving so much in the last few years! Education and Roadways, especially, as those were the things Kibaki chose to focus on. Now all public schools are "free" (because they still charge for books and uniforms), and there is a million road projects going on at once! I have yet to travel a road in Kenya that is not getting redone --and that is a huge change over just a few years ago!
It is so encouraging to see Kenyans taking ownership and pride in their country and truly making it a wonderful place.

Malewa River and Lake Nakuru

On Friday Mr. Arensen took me to see some property he has just bought. He and a few other missionaries went in together to buy 56 acres of beautifully untouched real estate along the Malewa River. It'll be perfect for the Arensens because once they build a house they'll be within a three hour drive of every single church they are ministering to, instead of several hours longer like they are now by living in Kijabe. He also hopes to develop a retreat centre on the land so that pastors can have a place to come and fellowship together.
The one drawback of land being beautifully undeveloped is that, well, it is undeveloped. No electricity, no water, nothing but a dirt two-track leading down to the river. Oh, and there is a half dug well, done by an expatriate who was going to buy they land then backed out.
So Mr. Arensen and I spent a few hours talking about his hopes and dreams for the property, checking the fence (only to find that sections as long as 50m had been stolen), but mostly walking the lay of the land to begin thinking of what would be required to pump water from the bore hole to the top of the property to provide clean water for the houses soon to be built.
I have no idea when it comes to water systems, and since it was quite literally just a walk around, all the numbers I am working with are sheer estimates. But it has been fun trying to teach myself a little about water as I mull over questions like, "How much horsepower will they need to pump water 120 vertically and 700 horizontally in a 3 inch pipe at a rate of 90 gallons per minute?" {ROB, JANINE: If you read this and also want to think about it, I can give you more "accurate" estimates --like the slope of the hillside, etc.}
I discovered a gem of a website called engineeringtoolbox.com which has been a wonderous help as I go through this. I just love learning! Especially when it has real-life application. I hate the textbook examples and hypothetical situations, but I absolutely love walking around under the African sun, wrestling over engineering problems, coming back to a computer and spending a few hours gathering information, then setting up the next problem to tackle!
Okay, I can tell you are bored. Moving on!
After spending time at the Malewa property, we went in to the Naivasha Sports Club and played a short nine-hole golf course. Then again, if "golf course" means beautiful green fairways, putting greens, water traps, etc. then this definitely wasn't a "golf course". There was no fairway. There was no green. And when they say "the rough" they mean, "get out your machete and spend a few hours making a trail!" Oh, and about there being no greens? They call them "browns". No joke. They are quite literally nothing more than packed dirt that is swept daily. But we had fun; its not like either one of us is any good at golf! I loved the two days I got to bum around with him, even if they didn't include drinking goat's blood.

On Saturday, after writing my extremely long post about Eburru and thinking over the water system some, I decided to hunt down a movie to watch to help kill the time. On the way up to one of the staff member's houses, I was stopped by Steve Taylor, the band teacher. After a few minutes of small talk he invited me to go with him and a few other staffies to Lake Nakuru Game Park for Sunday and Monday. Unfortunately, game parks in Kenya have gotten extremely expensive (Yes, Erin, even compared to Yosemite!), but it was a great escape from what I thought would be an excruciatingly boring two days. I just downloaded 225 pictures I took of animals on our three game drives, and we saw pretty much everything but cat. Which, ironically, was the whole reason the guys organized this trip: to get some good pictures of leopard. See, once you've lived here more than a year you've seen so many of the "lesser" animals that the only thing you really want more pictures of is rhino, lion, leopard, or cheetah. Well, we took lots of pictures anyways and even some of rhino, but still no cat.
We did see some cool things though: like a hippo chasing a flock of pelicans, or a hyena eating a flamingo. That was cool. Once I get back to the states and pare down the pictures to a manageable amount, I'll load them on Facebook so everyone can see!
Nothing too exciting happened on the trip though. There was a minor lorrey collision which backed up traffic a ways on the way in; a cape buffalo (Africa's most unpredictable animal, and one of the most feared) almost decided to charge our car to the point where it lowered its horns and took a few steps towards the car, it rained really heavily on Sunday, making all the roads into rivers which made for a good amount of four-wheel-driving-fun!
But, thank God, we were all safe and well rested after a great two days in the thick of God's beautiful creation!

Eburru

I am amazed to find myself still waking up at 7 am everyday! Quite literally, I have woken up within minutes of 7:05 every single day, to the point that when I woke up this morning at 7:01 am I thought, "Hum, four minutes early." Silly the way our minds work!
Its been good since today and tomorrow will be spent with Mr. Arensen, visiting the Dorobo and his property along Malewa River.

(Okay, I started this post on Thursday, got too tired and now its Saturday. So! I won't try to continue to present tense...)

History of the Dorobo:
First, a few clarifications for those of you whom I shared about the Dorobo with. I wasn't all wrong, but I was sorely mistaken regarding this specific area that the Dorobo live in. Apparently the tribe is considerably spread out!
We visited a young man aspiring to be a pastor on a mountain called Eburru, which rises 1000m above the Rift Valley to a peak of around 3000m above sea level. Because of this, the area is actually quite lush; there is greenery peeping out of every crevice and rock. Also because of the amount of deforestation and some extremely shady politics, the Dorobo are now mostly farmers.
Let me explain. First, understand that Shel Arensen is a published author several times over, and he is now the editor of a magazine called "Old Africa" which is a magazine all about Kenya's colonial days and is rather popular among the expatriates. Anyways, since he has been the editor of this magazine he has become the fundi of everything that happened in pre-indepenance Kenya, as well as being very knowledgeable of the current goings-on of the Kenyan government. It made for one of the most entertaining and informative 2-hour bumpy-car rides of my life!
Basically, the Dorobo are the Palestinians of East Africa. They are the trodden on, to the point where no one can clearly remember the actual name of the the tribe, but the word "Dorobo" is Maasai for "poor person," and have long been regarded as the lowest form of humanity. To the Maasai it is because they didn't herd cattle; to the Kikuyu it was because they didn't farm. No, the Dorobo relied on the forest: hunting wild boar and buffalo, and harvesting honey with extreme skill. However, when the land was settled by the English at the turn of the century, there was a lot of land divied up between the whites and the Africans. Around the time this was going on Kenya's population was around 2.5 million, and there were about 4000 White Settlers. Now, to their credit the reason they did a lot of this was to end slavery and begin a commerce, but as with all things human, it didn't go completely right.
See, there was 20 million (or billion --Mr. Arensen couldn't remember the magnitude, but it is the ratios that are important to note) acres of land set aside for the various tribes numbering 2.5 million people, but also 14 million acres set aside for the whooping 4000 White Settlers. There was also considerable tracts of land set aside for forest and wildlife conservation. But the Dorobo were left with nothing. They couldn't live in the forest because it was "protected" but they also couldn't live in the rest of the land, because it had been given to other tribes who were already there! Of course the Dorobo weren't the only ones screwed, because most of the other tribes were nomadic or practiced migratory agriculture, and when the Whites started building their farms, some of the key corridors or watering holes were taken from the people who relied on them a few months out of the year. Anyways. That was the first time the Dorobo were forgotten.
The second time was when the First President Jomo Kenyatta took power in 1963. The British government told all its people that if they wanted to leave, Her Majesty would buy their land, since it was she who initially encouraged them to go to Kenya. Because of this, vast amounts of land that had previously been White-owned was now turned over to the newly formed Kenyan Government. Many tribes were quite excited to finally receive back land that had been taken from them, but when Kenyatta re-distributed the land, it was almost solely to his people, the Kikuyu. And of course the forests were still Government owned, so the Dorobo were left a second time without a home.
Even more recently in the Eburru area, the Government came in a moved several close knit Dorobo communities, telling them that they could no longer live even on the edge of the forest, as it had to be used for "other purposes." The land the government gave them in exchange was on the rainless side of the mountain (is that the leeward or the windward?) which had poor soil to farm, was steep, and forced the once-close communities to spread out over several hours hike from one another. It was the last straw for some, and they moved to other parts of the country where Dorobo are still allowed to live on the edge of the forest (but never in the forest), further destroying the community at Eburru.

What We Did!
One of the people to uproot from Eburru and move was the sole elder of the church there. Leaderless and spread too far apart, the Body began to disinigrate. There is a young man named Marten who wishes to become the leader of the church, but has had no formal training and only got to have a conversation with Mr. Arensen on Thursday. (Mr. Arensen was the AIC missionary who started the church, and he is still responsible for its survival, although he is encouraging more and more of the nationals to take responsibility so it will truly be their church --which is why we went to encourage Marten, not take over)
It was incredible to see how this man lived. He is what we here in Kenya called a Jua Kali. Literally, it means "sun hot" but has become slang for day-workers, because they are always out sweating under the hot sun. It is also used to refer to something made with poor quality, under the assumption that someone who only works out in the sun never learns how to make something of high quality. So when we arrived at Marten's house we were met by his wife who informed us he would return "shortly" as he had gotten work that day. His house was probably 7'x14' and consisted of a "main room" which was just large enough for five people to sit against the mud walls and a kitchen/bedroom/washroom. The ceiling was a cavernous 5' high, and was covered in patches of pastic to keep the elements out.
And in walks Marten, all smiles, the sweat still on this brow, jabbering away in a mixture of Kiswahili, Kikuyu, and Maasai about his excitement in the Lord for this body of believers. Luckily, Shel speaks all three languages, and occassionally translated into English so I could understand. After Marten heard I was interested in how they collected water, he excitedly led us out, through other small shambas, past his brothers house (who joined us), and over a hill to where steam came straight out of the mountain. They say there is no surface water, but there is surface steam! Its true. What the Dorobo do is cut off 10' lengths of Bamboo from the forest, then bury the ends in the ground where the steam comes out at an angle, so as the steam travels up the bamboo it cools, then trickles down to a small hole in the bottom where is empties into a 20L jug. You always know where the steam is close to the surface, because it is surrounded in an intensely red clay called Kaolin. Marten said that they usually come in the morning and in the evening to empty their jugs --meaning they get 40L of fresh water a day from these steam vents! And not just him or his family, but everyone on the mountain gets their water this way!
We returned to his house and spent the next hour encouraging him along with two other Dorobo Christians who had heard we had come. It was good to hear what had been going on, and what Marten planned to do to reach out to people. Mr. Arensen is an excellent listener and is quite familiar with the culture, knowing when is the right time to give advice or not.

The Children
When we first arrived at the village centre, the primary school was just being let out, which means we were met by nearly fifty children all shouting, "How a'you?" to which the appropriate answer is, "Fine! Fine!" while their big eyes and small arms reach up to you, begging to be given something or simply touched. They are absolutely fascinated by digital cameras, finding it the most comical thing to see themselves in a picture. Because White skin was the biggest news on the mountain for the day, we were escorted by a gaggle of 20 kids from the centre to Marten's house --at least a mile walk, perhaps more. In fact, most of the kids hung around outside listening, or leading us by the hand as we walked, pointing and showing us different steam vents. I got a few pictures of some who "talked" to me the most: Damaris and Paulo, plus several pictures of the groups of kids following us. Unfortunately, this internet connection is really slow and can't handle uploading pictures.
They are the most beautifully inquizitive children you will ever meet, their eyes full of life and hope that stands in utter defiance of the landscape around them. It was a blessing to be their entertainment for the day, as they were humored by even the smallest and most mundane thing we did. It was fun to be surrounded in their mixture of giggles and snatches of conversations, as they swirled around us as we walked --clearly too slowly for most of the children.
Mr. Arensen told Paulo, who had taken to holding my hand, that since I was White I would get lost unless I had someone to lead me, and the young boy of four or five took his new responsibility quite seriously. And you know? I never got lost. :)


The Food
Have I said enough how much I love chai and chapatis? Well, on this day of visiting we each got four cups of chai and three chapatis. Wow, delicious! But I was so full by the end of it...
After being engulfed in children upon arriving at the centre, we visiting a "friend" of Shel's that runs a small duka. When I say "small" there is underexaggeration in the term. The "seating area" was smaller than a dining room table, and consisted of a small creaky bench and an outcropping of wood on the opposite wall for setting the food. We had to slide in to our seats, and luckily the two Kenyans already there didn't need to get out of their corner, or else everyone would have had to leave the building just for there to be enough space for them to get out. Including his "kitchen" (which was nothing more than a fire on the ground, a stack of chapatis, and the makings of chai), the whole building could've fit inside my room in the Alpine House.
When he brought us our chapatis, he didn't have any plates, so he ripped off corners of Uji mix (think of a bag of flour), set our chapatis in that and served us. Since there was obviously no space inside, people would lean in through the square hole in the wall acting as a window to talk to us. Conveniently, the window was just behind our heads, so we had Kenyans leaning over the top of us to talk, several going off in various languages at a time. It was a fun and unique experience, not to mention the best chai and chapatis I've had!
Next, when we returned to Marten's house after seeing the steam collection, his wife had prepared chai and chapatis for us, which were also excellent, and she insisted on us having two cups of chai! Later that night I learned that for a Dorobo to share their food is the mark of welcome into the community. Being a hunter/gatherer tribe, they historically never knew where their next meal was coming from, so they would never share with outsiders. They still never share with outsiders, so it was an honor to be welcomed into a Dorobo home and fed. This is startkly contrasted with the Kikuyu who will feed you no matter what; if you step into their home, they must feed you.
We experienced this under the Philipino culture as we made our way back to Kijabe: we stopped to visit with an expatriate friend and his wife --he is British, she is Filipino, and once again we were bombarded with food!
Finally we made it back to Kijabe, only to find myself invited to dinner at the Arensens where I was presented with the most delicious kiesh I have ever tasted, sided by a salad containing walnuts from our farm in California!
Needless to say, at the end of the night I was stuffed!

All in all, a good day of traveling, fellowship, learning, and eating! Ah, just what I could spend my whole life doing...

Wholly Me

[Written 2 April 2007, and in further clarification to the post "Clay and Magic"]

This morn, after a sobering class of dynamics, I chanced upon an delightful conversation with a friend, Janine.

(Okay, so I just read this blog written by my cousin who is at least 6 years younger than me, and her grammer and vocabulary was so much better than mine... it was sad. That's why I tried to make the first sentence sound cool. But I've got nothin'.)

Back to the conversation with Janine: "Kaben, are you often frustrated with yourself?"(I love it when people are completely to the point and open, but not in an annoying sort of, "hurry up and get this conversation over with" sort of way)
"Um, usually about two or three times a week." I replied.
"See, that bothers me..." And so the conversation started.
At the end of it, we decided that our psychologies interpret and respond to the word "frustrated" quite differently. We realized that when I say I am frustrated with myself, it is because I am aware of a fault which is slowing me down, and it confounds me that the flaw continues existence, despite my greatest adversion to it. What I told her was that there are parts of me I am frustrated with, but not the whole me. See, there are little itty-bitty parts of me I just really don't like; I think everyone knows what I am talking about. But I always want to grow, so it makes me "frustrated" with those parts of myself that they continue in their stagnation, refusing other parts of myself growth.

But I was thinking more on this as I walked across Caldwell Park, heading home.

What I realized is that I had taken the approach that the objects of my frustration were located in space, and multiple objects could exist within the same moment of time. For example, if I am frustrated with my mind, I may not necessarily be frustrated with my actions, or vice versa. What I then proceeded to discover is that my frustration lies not in space, but in time. I am not frustrated with my body, mind, soul, spirit at different times, I am frustrated with the whole me at specific times. (which, since the four attributes listed can all exist in the same time, they must be catagorized in "space" though plenty of people will argue that "spirit" cannot be catagorized as such. Just bear with me.) I side with Martin Luther here: There is no division of flesh and spirit; body, mind, soul, spirit; nor any other classical or contemporary classification. There is merely us. Our whole selves are brought into who we are, what we think, and what we do.

When Paul talks about "living in the flesh" or "by the Spirit" he is not referring to portions of us. He is referring to how our whole selves are living. Its actually Biblical. A great example is in 1 Corinthians 6:15 when Paul writes, "Do you not know that you are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute?" Here it is clear that what we do, what we think, who we are -it is our WHOLE selves. There is no talk of 'Part X' being united with a prostitute, while 'Part Y' stays clear of that and is holy and with Jesus. No, it is just US.

Therefore I decided that my frustration was not with small portions of myself at any given time, but rather at my whole self at very specific times. Instead of saying, "I don't like this THING about myself," I ought rather to be saying, "I don't like this TIME about myself." It is completely counter-intuitive, but it makes tremendous amounts of sense. There are times -sometimes just fleeting moments, not even a breath; other times, it could be hours!- when I truly despise the person I am, and in every way it is exactly what Paul is talking about in 1 Corinthians. Because while Scripture affirms me as Christ's (Galations 4:6, Romans 8:15, the list is quite long) it is also very clear that God cannot be a part of sin, but that we still continue to be mired by it (Hebrews 10, 2 Peter 1-2, again the list goes on). Therefore, my whole self is given to Christ at some points, and wholly given to idols of sinfulness at others. I am not saying that you lose your salvation. Not at all. What I mean is that when I do something for Christ, my whole self does it for Christ, not just parts of me. We all like that idea. Well, equally so, when I sin, my whole self sins. My whole self forsakes the Living God and His indescribable gift of grace to me, because my whole self sins.

[as a blistering quick clarification as to why I don't think you can lose your salvation: "There was a porquopine crossing a road with its mother. The only way for the little one to cross was to hold tightly to its mother's belly as she walked across. According to that porquopine, 'The only chance I have of getting across is holding on tight and never letting go.' Now there was a kitten crossing the very same road with its mother. The only way the kitten could cross was for the mother to hold it in her mouth. According to the kitten, 'The only chance I have of getting across is by my mother holding tightly to me.'" Therefore, simply because I temporarily turn from God does not me He ever turns from me. But things work best when I hold desprately to Him. The crossing goes much faster, and the likelyhood of encountering traffic is significantly less. Also, the reason why a Holy God who cannot be in the presence of sin doesn't fling me away when I do sin is because there is a bath of Christ's blood, atoning my brokenness and filth into an offering acceptable to that Holy God. We should just talk face to face if you have questions.]

So, Janine, here is my more complete answer. Hope it helps! :)

Clay and Magic

Thanks to the irresistible Bannister girls, I have now seen all five Harry Potter movies. Yes, even the newest one, which I actually spent money on. Not a week ago, I had seen only one of those movies, and now I sit here before you a thoroughly indoctrinated Harry Potter movie watcher. Not at all a fan, but I must concede to being rather entertained by the fourth and fifth movies.
Now there is an excess of squabbling in regards to the “appropriateness” of Harry Potter books, and I would like to clear things up a bit as to how I stand.
First off is the notorious argument that Harry Potter equals evil because he uses magic. Does magic exist? And if so, is it bad? Personally, I believe that events occur that many people would consider magic. I call them supernatural. Just a difference in word choice? No. Because to me, “magic” as used in Harry Potter and as commonly referred to, originates within the wizard or witch, whereas I believe that the supernatural exists outside of us. I believe that we have influence in the supernatural, but we are not the ones wielding its power.
Also, I strongly believe in the idea of stewardship of what we have been given. Repeatedly Harry Potter uses his mastery of magic to belittle or embarrass others or simply for personal pleasure or convenience. I am opposed to this. I believe that anyone with power of any form must not use it to tear down but to build up. As in Amos it questions the powerful and accuses them of ruining the poor and devouring the widow, we who are educated and wealthy are called into responsible stewardship of those powers; to use them in a way that builds and edifies the Kingdom of God, not our personal egos.
Another reason I hesitate to support the Potter series is the very fact that magic originates with the user. This places the complete glory of anything that happens on the witch or wizard, whereas I believe that our uses of our plentiful power ought to end with the glory residing on the One who gives us those powers. See, to Harry he is the Potter, and his magic is the clay to be shaped as he sees fit. In my view of the world, YHWH is the Potter and we are the clay to be molded in His infinite and impeccable wisdom. Not that the Harry Potter books/movies are the only production of pop-culture to send the wrong signals in this area; it is simply a good tool to use, because the magic Harry wields is easy to point to and say, "See, that's power!"
Finally, I support Harry Potter because of the fifth movie. There is a strong theme of the importance of community and teamwork to accomplish good. I believe as the Body of Christ this is also central to our survival. Recently I was essentially discussing this with my Dad. See, I have always been a strong encourager of community support when it comes to spiritual and emotional needs or blessings, but I am also learning that there is a very important place for community in regard to physical assets as well. And in the fifth movie we finally see Harry do something that places himself in significantly more danger simply for a friend. Now many of you may be saying, “What about when he goes back for Hermine when the troll comes?” “Or how about when he saves Sedric instead of getting the cup himself?” The difference, to me, is hesitation. In the earlier cases there was lag in his response; sometimes outright resistance. But in the fifth movie even when he is encouraged to do things alone he insists on the need of his friends, even fighting at the side of a dear friend to his death (although he still needs quite a bit of encouragement in a few scenes!).
So, like the vast majority of life outside of the brilliance of the Glory of the Lord of Hosts, Harry Potter is a mixture of good and evil. And as in the words of a Potter character, It is not that the fact that there is evil in us, but our choice as to how we will act that is important. Hopefully Potter finds some courage to continue the trend of virtue in the final chapters of his cultural saga.

PS> Personally, my opinion in regards to the combination of good and evil differs greatly from that of Hollywood; I wrote a note about it in Facebook, so I’ll copy that over a new blog just on the random fringe idea that someone might actually care.

A View of Might and Majesty

Coming back from Athi River had had my first experience with matatus. Well, sort of. I actually rode in a “bus matatu,” but it was similar enough. Matatus are Kenya’s public transportation system. Well, “system” is a stretch, but do they ever transport! Matatus are most commonly Toyota vans, but nothing like the Serena. In fact, they are most similar to my 1985 Volkswagen Bus: blunt nose, large seating capacity, and no power. Well, at least they don’t seem like they have power with 14 people crammed in, with sacks of their livelihood strapped on top. Its how most of the farmers get their crops and themselves into markets, or how a business man will get from one side of the city to another. Either way, there is plenty more than just people on board a matatu. I’ve also noticed that it seems to be a Kenya form of advertising to blast music as loud as you can. The idea is that if you can get people to acknowledge the sound source, they must also acknowledge you. So layered with the thick scent of Kenyas, their excited conversations, the squabble of chickens, and the jarring cacophony of the vehicle as it is assaulted by the roads themselves, there is blasting music from speakers that ought to have been thrown out a few years ago. But it was enjoyable, as we would stop occasionally to pick up even more passengers, vendors would come on the bus with whatever they were trying to sell, most commonly BBQed corn. It was fun watching the mixture of hustle & bustle move along side the ever laid back way of life in Kenya.
And that is how Longonot finally greeted me as we edged over the escarpment at a flying 50 kph. Wedged between a greasy window and two jabbering Kenyan mamas (elderly ladies) I looked across the bus, over the heads of the short ladies beside me covered in shawls (kikoi’s) and through the other greasy window and was once again greeted by the amazing view of the ceaseless valley and the crown that is Longonot. Its majesty had not faded; its staunch pose of dominance still intact. And it was here, in the bus with fifty Kenyans, a door that never could quite get itself shut, a muffler that spewed diesel fumes like the Nile spews water, and the ever-present shudder of pothole after deepening pothole, that Longonot welcomed me back. As this: as a part of the Kenyan people. Not as a removed mzungu, sitting in my nice sedan or Land Rover talking of the foolishness of Kenyan politics with other wazungu, talking as the country continued to pull itself apart through empty slander and full pockets of other people’s money ill gotten; but here, on a bus with the people of Kenya as a person of Kenya. Of course they don’t see me that way. “They,” being both those on the bus and the other wazungu. Nor do I yet see myself that way. But to be welcomed back, it is for the people I must be here, and it is as the people I must come. Not separate from, but together with.
And finally I have been welcomed home.

A Few Fun Forays into the Land of Life

Croquet Mallet
On Monday Mr. Bannister and I went on a walk around their home in Athi River. (“Athi” is pronounced as such: The “ath” sounds more like “cloth” than “math”, and the “i” on the end is a long “e” as is the “y” in “Mary”) We walked past Wildebeest, Thompson Gazelle, Grant’s Gazelle, Eland, Ostrich, Giraffe, and Warthog. We were only about for half an hour, and we caught a beautiful sunset and splendid conversation along the way. What a blessing to be in the midst of God’s beautiful creation, as our thoughts and conversation turn to Him and His community; the service He has called us to. Arriving back at the Bannister home, we found the four siblings playing a game of Croquet in the lawn. It was humorous to see the sibling rivalries unfold, especially as the ground made an unpredictable foe, so most progress was pure luck. After Caleb won (the youngest), and we were all cleaning up the field, Cody (the eldest boy, third born) was bringing in some of the balls by hitting them with his mallet. Well, as fate would have it, after one strong swing his mallet detached from the handle and found its way swiftly and conveniently to the side of my head. Luckily, I wasn’t looking so it struck my temple and above my ear, as opposed to my nose and eyes. However, since I wasn’t looking, I first thought I had been hit with a small object, then registered that they had just finished a round of croquet, then thought it was a ball, then ruled it out on the basis that my skull was still intact, then realized my head hurt a bit and I wasn’t entirely stable, then realized that everyone else had realized what happened and was coming to help my side down as they bombarded me with, “Are you okay?” “Are you sure?” “Sit down!” “Oh my goodness!” “Ouch, that must have hurt!” All this happened in the manner of just a second or two. Also as quickly there was a lump on my forehead. Not where the pain was, but out on my forehead. Have you seen “The Mummy”? You know those bugs that crawl under their skin that they have to pry out? Yep. It looked like one of those. We got some sweet pictures of it! That night after dinner I had four Ibuprofen, a glass of wine, and two fingers of Scotch. I wasn’t quite feeling myself, but wasn’t sure what element to blame: jetlag, a blow to the head, or the alcohol…

Dukas
This morning I went shopping for some groceries down at the local dukas. They are quite an adventure to shop in, and I got the most curious looks from the locals as an mzungu bought from their dukas. I hear that more and more of the missionaries are shopping at the local dukas, but the variety is so limited that most of the large shopping is still done in Nairobi. I landed myself with some good-loving bacon and avocados along with some other things and made myself a delicious bacon-avocado sandwich for lunch. Guys, let me tell you. Avocados are 5KSH a piece. That’s about eight cents, American. In the California avocados are a buck a piece and they are so small!! These things are ginormous! I didn’t even use half an avocado for two sandwiches! Man, is this heaven? Anyway, enough of my avocado enthusiasm. On the way back from the dukas I also ran into Susan, who used to be our inside help. Okay, it sounds snobby to say that we have someone who cleans our house and does our dishes, but let me explain. Culturally, it is actually insulting to not provide employment. So rather than it being a show-off of wealth, it is just expected (and in fact even if you don’t want inside help, the school requires that you hire someone) that the wazungu hire the nationals. Their thinking, and I don’t think its too far off, is that How dare the westerners (mzungu=singular, wazungu=plural) come and profit from our economy without contributing to it through providing labor? So it was good to run into Susan who worked for us for two years, and see that she has a business of her own now, sewing. The more I think about my future, the more I think my strength is people, and I am also good with financial management and economies, so it warms my heart to see the local economy here growing, slowly but surely! Though I certainly don’t mind the absolutely wonderful prices of some of my favorite foods!

It is something Mr. Bannister and I talked about on our walk, actually. He made the comment, “You know, I hope you realize just how lucky you are to have lived here when you did. In fact, I think yours is the last generation to be able to wander Kenya with relative freedom. It’s the fastest growing country in the world, and more and more of the land is becoming agriculture or city.”
I agreed, and added, “But you know, when thinking about the billions of people living in dire poverty, I am glad to see the frontier lands become economies blossoming under the direction of honest, hardworking national so that even just a million less have to live in poverty and hopelessness. There are always more places for adventures to be found.”
There was some joking done in regard to the honestness of some of the workers, and though it was said in jest, it is a grave concern of the nation. And though there is still bountiful corruption on every level of Kenyan society, we agreed in the end that empowering the people through economic development is a breath of fresh air for this country and in just a generation or two there will be enough well educated Kenyans who are disgusted by the corruption of their fathers, and then Kenya really will boom. I’ll just have to find a new place to roam on my piki.

He’s Hot!
Also on the way back from the Dukas, I heard racquetballs flying in the courts, and I detoured to see who was playing. Turned out to be a family that I did not recognize, but apparently the recognized me. As I turned the corner and mounted the stairs back towards home, I heard one of the girls say, “That’s Kaben? Man, he’s hot!”
It was really entertaining and rather made my day especially knowing that she thought her comment went unheard by me.

OSC Mania!
These past few days I have what seems to be bombarded by comments and references to Orson Scott Card. I commented about this to Janine, and am serious thinking making a OSC Support Group… I have had some lively discussions regarding several of his characters with several different people, and by and large I am not the one who brings it up!
Oh! And on the inside cover of “The Crystal City” (Sorry Rob, turns out this really is connected with the other five!), under the listing of books in the Bean Series, there is a new book listed after “Shadow of the Giant” called “Final Meetings”. Has Orson written another book about Bean?!? I certainly hope so!

White Veil Wall

God has a funny way of doing things.
Day four, and I have yet to see Longonot. It is the mountain I most identify with "home": around it I rode my piki, and everything that happens at the Rift is overshadowed, quite literally, by Longonot. It is the trademark of home. The waypoint, the differentiation, the icon. If any of you are my friend on Facebook, you'll notice that even though I've had a Facebook account for three years, Longonot has always been my profile picture, because it represents something important to me.
But it has been four days "home" and no sign of the mountain. It didn't disappear, there is just a white mist hanging over the valley, keeping it from view. The mountains where the school is are clear; just the valley is full of mist.
It is as if God is saying, "This land doesn't welcome you back as the person you were, for the purpose you were here." As if He were saying to me, "See, this is your closure. The mountain that once embraced you as its own now releases you." But beneath it there is as well, "Don't forget, nor forsake what this mountain meant to you. Find purpose in the life you have now without need to purge the life you had here."
Doesn't He have a funny way of things?
And it has been a good time of closure. Not that I feel I could've ended things any better than I did my senior year; there weren't threads left to tangle. It is a different kind of closure and a good one.
A close friend sent me an e-mail yesterday, a friend dear to my heart, and in it there was the remark, "I am glad you get to be where you are happy." It hurt to read those words, and I now see how my obsession with Kenya was a slap in the face of this friend --and not only this friend, but many others as well. In my repsonse I made it clear, as I hope to make clear now, that I find myself no more happy here than I was in California. I just never realized how blessed my life was, simply because it wasn't occuring in Kenya. But I am growing up, and I thank you, my friends, for your patience with me as I do it. I thank God for the blessings He has given me, both here in Kenya and in California. I thank Him also for five more weeks in Kenya and two more years in California, and I trust I will learn to be a more faithful servant to His will.
And I trust that you, my friends, will continue to be patient with me, helping me to grow into who God would have me be, where God would have me be.

in Him,
me.

Isaiah 1:17-20

Wordless

Today was my first day alive. Okay, that was an exaggeration.
It was just my first day back in Kenya after three years' absence. Too long. Maybe. We'll see what I think when August 20th come rollin' around!

As I drove through Nairobi and back to Kijabe I tried to think up words to describe how I felt more accurately than, "It's awesome!" It wasn't much good; my mind didn't do much to assist the rest of my senses and 'metaphysical' evidences that were juicing me full of emotions; I just couldn't eek any words out of it.

The first thing I thought of was, "This is perfect. I remember again what it is to be alive." Along this line of thinking, I tried to developed analogies that could better grasp it:
"Its like driving a car from the forties that hasn't been taken care of, then driving a luxury sedan. And you say, 'Yes, this is what it is to drive.'"
"Its like hiking with shoes that give you just the slightest blisters; just that minute annoyance so you come to not notice. But then you wear shoes that feel like they were made for nothing other than your feet, and you think, 'Yes, this is what it is like to hike!'"
But I realized that with these, if the later case is a grander form of perfection, it is only due to the imperfection of the former. And I don't think California is any less perfect than Kenya. (Don't faint) See, in my mind to compliment on alternative does not diminish another option at all. But I have recently discovered that for many people, this is the case. So for this analogy to work, it must be understood that when I say that Kenya is like that perfect pair of shoes I am not saying California is an annoying flop; just that Kenya is a breath of fresh air (but a 'fresh air' compared to what? you may ask). So while this line of thinking is completely accurate, it is also completely inadequate.

Next, as I saw the slopes of Longonot for the first time as I sat on Upper Field --it was extremely foggy on the drive in-- my first thought was, Now these lines are natural to my eyes. Like green and grass, they just go together. It was as if my eyes had to focus just a little harder and work a little longer to get the 'right' images elsewhere, but when my eyes beheld Longonot it took no effort, it was seamless, like another part of myself. Like I wasn't even absorbing an image from the outside, but rather than an image from the inside was projected into the physical world. That this whole being here, this whole talking to people, seeing people, smelling people --this whole trip is not a dive into some new and foreign environment, but rather that some deeper part of myself was manifesting itself through every sight, sound, and smell around me so that there was no absorption, but instead agreement with what already existed in the deepest parts of me. This seems to be much more adequate, but incredibly less accurate: The whole existence and interaction with Kenya is a mere projection of some deep life stored up inside of me? Yeah right. I don't even think a New Agist would agree with that one! No, of course the hard reality of Kenya that exists outside myself is still wholly intact, and it was that reality I encountered, but I think I discovered that I had kept the heart of Kenya so alive that even though everything looks different and all the people are certainly foreign, there heart's beat to the same pulse, so it felt like it was a manifestation of who I am inside --or at least a part of who I am.

Does that mean I love California or the people of California any less? Let it never be! I am not discrediting California, simply exulting Kenya. Just because there is an abiding love for Kenya does not mean there is any lack of love for California. They are merely not compared.

California has many things I love (not the least of which are the Sierras!) and even more people I love (yes, you know who you are! ...I hope!). But I am not in California, and have not been gone from California for any great amount of time, so I am not writing about it. I just want it to be clear to anyone who reads this that my encounter with Kenya in 2007 is vastly different in taste and texture than it was in 2004 --and not just on the surface. The surface of any place or people changes on a daily basis, but I am speaking to the taste and texture of my deeper connection with the deeper parts of the beating heart of Kenya, and more specifically, RVA. Maryline E'ngle would call it my Kything sense; Orson Scott Card would call it my aiua, or my connection with the greensong. I say that only so those who have read those books can understand better; not because I actually believe any of those fictional things bear onto any reality, but I certainly believe the experience behind the thing is most definitely real. And I am experiencing it now. And it is beautiful, leaving me wordless.

...Almost. :)

Wordiness

I was in the Word earlier today, reading through Eph 4. It was actually the fifth time reading that chapter since leaving Stockton; for some reason I keep coming back to it. When I was all packed up, leather jacket on my back, helmet in my hand, I stopped and thought, "You know, I should read Ephesians chapter four." Okay, so it was God telling me I should read it, but either way I did.

Each time I've gone through it since I've learned something new. First, it was that God has given me a specific calling, and even if someone or something matches perfectly with everything in my life except that calling, it needs to be cut out. I am still learning that one! Secondly, it was the manner in which the "futile thinking" of unbelievers seperates them from God. Or more accurately, their understanding was darkened because of ignorance towards God because their hearts were hard, therefore becoming calloused and thereby excluded from the life of God. And because of all that they were given over to sensuality to practice every kind of impurity with greed. Kinda scares me when I see more than my own share of sensuality in my life...

Tonight, though, as I read it something completely different was shown to me. It has to do with words, or at least how we use them.

See, Paul spends a few verses telling us how it was that we came to understand Christ, and because of this understanding we "put on a new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth." Seems to me to be speaking of an individual, coming into a life given by God. Interestingly enough, the focus changes in the next verse, because we are told to speak truthfully to our neighbors because "we are members of one another." Here, laying aside our old selves and becoming new "in righteousness and holiness of the truth" we simultaneously reject corruption through "the lusts of deceit." Once we have shed that heavy cloak, we then speak to our neighbors the truth because we are part of the same body. Interesting. Taking that a wee further (too far?) I would like to make the statement that, based on previous verses, the failure of one part of the body to function correctly hobbles the growth of the whole. Therefore, not speaking the truth to other believers is destructive to the body.
And here is what I want to contrast it with: just a few verses later, Paul writes, "Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as it good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption." Here, it seems that edifying speach provides a comfort --a grace-- to the persons who hear. But who is damaged by unwholesome talk? It says here, "do not grieve the Holy Spirit."
Perhaps, you are saying to yourself, the verse about the Holy Spirit is referring to what happens next. And it could be so. But the immediate verses following are thus: One verse telling believers to put off detructive emotions which could be revealed through speach, then the second verse urges believers to treat each other with contructive emotions which can also be displayed through words (though not limited to!). This leads me to think that the Holy Spirit is grieved when we allow unwholesome talk come from our mouths, not necessarily that the Holy Spirit is grieved by our use of destructive emotions --though certainly God does not approve of such activity. So I find it interesting that, at least in this case, the distinction is made that it is deceit which harms the body and unwholesome talk which harms the Holy Spirit.

Just and interesting thought... maybe?

Renegade Epiphany

Yesterday I had a vision, or an epiphany, or maybe I was just thinking to myself. Regardless, sitting here in front of my computer, staring at my desktop background I had a little conversation. With myself or God I don't know. But it was an important conversation.

See, this is the image I was looking at. I know, I know. It would change anybody's life, but just bear with me. :) I was looking at that clump of farms, just right and down from center, and there was the question, "Could you live on that farm forever, having no more impact in the world than the people around you?" It is a question I struggle with a lot, and usually labor for hours before coming to an answer. But yesterday I found a "yes" off my lips before my mind had completely finished processing the question. Just as quickly came the next question, "Why not here?" I knew the question was referring to California, or the States, or at least wherever it is I feel tied to. And that question had not immediate answer. No, it is a question I am still thinking on.

In one of my summer classes, we were discussing careers and reasons why some people become "great" while others don't accomplish much. There was an anecdote of one of the professor's friends who claimed he'd made a great composer, "if only." My prof asked the class, "What excuses are you making to cover up becoming great? When you say you are stuck, that is giving up; when you say you are stopped, that gives reason to fight."

I think my desktop had the same questions for me. What excuses am I using?

"Oh, I can't really become too involved in ministry because I'm in America for a short while."
"Well, if I were in a different country I'd care about this a lot more."
My list goes on as well. And on, and on...

Don't get me wrong, I don't feel at all like God is calling me to serve in the States, He's just calling me to grow up a little bit. If I don't act they way I ought here, what says I am going to act the way I ought there? If my focus is blurry here, what about there will make it clear?

Of course there are some very obvious answers to those questions, but the answer I am meant to understand is deeper than that. Its a call to step beyond the excuses of the obvious answers into a deeper place in my soul to understand who I am. To understand why I am called overseas beyond the obvious answer, "Because I fit in there." To realize a deeper yearning in my heart, a fire lit by God's Spirit. If these deeper questions are answered, it will indeed be revealed how much of an excuse the "obvious" answers are.

And I don't like excuses.

So I find myself asking over and over, "Why not here?"
And it does indeed give reason to fight. If it is something I claim to value ideally, why doesn't the wake of my life relate such a story as I barge through this America? The story my past tells is not the story I want my future to tell, and that is why I ask myself these questions. I want to know why my past hasn't lined up with my future, and I want to know what I need to change and how so that they will.

End of story. (today, at least...)

Condensed Arrogance

(I realized the full post is really long winded. If you want a Biblical backdrop go ahead and read it. If not, maybe this is enough.)

Joseph goes on a fantastic journey throughout his life. It starts with his dreams of his family bowing to him. Of course, because we have the whole story we know that they were given to him by God, but when did he know that? It never says, and I am going to assume that he was human like us, and thought they were cool dreams that he wanted to come true. It was a dream of power, of fame, and of recognition. I know I have dreams like that.

Yet there is a pivotal moment in his life, and probably one of the more scary: he is sold into slavery. He is placed in a mundane and unfair situation with no hope of escape. He is not recognized, he is scorned and mistreated. Somewhere in all of this he came to have a relationship with God that was blessed the rest of his life (not free from trouble, just blessed). And in this relationship he begins to have an accurate view of himself (as can be seen as he interacts with Potiphar's wife) and he begins to have an obedience that eventually leads the the exact fulfillment of his childhood dreams (Gen. 41-45). So it is in the humble obedience and godly handling of whatever situation he finds himself in that gains him access to his dreams. He didn't push and shove to get there, he was pushed and shoved. While in prison he makes the comment that he was there unfairly (Gen. 40:15), but the whole while he keeps his eyes on obeying God. Even when he is first faced with interpreting a dream (for which he becomes Biblically famous) he says, "Do not interpretations belong to God?" (v. 8) and we can see that in every conversation his attitude is first on honoring God. Because of his humble focus on honoring God, he ends up honoring his dreams, not intentionally, but through honoring God. Through the fulfillment of his dreams, his parents are honored by him and through him.